What do I write about??!!

What do I write about- I started this blog about two years ago (maybe one) I don't know, I started it waaaay to long ago to only have a few posts and no consistent content or theme. I have so many ideas floating around in my head I'm constantly thinking "you know, I should start blogging again" (because I'm that narcissistic to think people want a front row seat to the crazy things floating around up there) I have all of these wonderful opinions about life, tips for college, strategies for world peace, the list is endless. But then I sit down to write and it goes something like this; "I like babies and coffee and I firmly believe. Oh screw this, I want coffee." There's nothing. Nothing comes to mind-- my insecurities about my ability to write, my laziness and that nagging pest call 'responsibilities' flood my brain. I end up deleting or never even posting what I wrote. So here I am almost two years after starting a blog, with like 20 posts, no readers, and feeling a lot of discouragement. So here's a new decision- I'm just going to write. I'm going to force myself to write about what I'm thinking. I'll write like I'm talking- because I love talking. And I'm going to post it, make myself keep it, and probably cry. So here's to sharing my thoughts and opinions online almost as much as I do in person. Welcome to my head! Cheers!

God's to-do list.

In high school, I was all over the place. By senior year I didn't even open my planner, the only time I studied was before finals, the only schedule I kept was for babysitting. I had such a fly by the seat of my pants attitude, it was a fault. I gave off a messy, uncaring attitude towards my time and others time. I was definitely a hot mess and not a good steward of my time. Time that wasn't actually mine in the first place.

Something about college changed me. Maybe it was the thousands of dollars of dollars I was handing over to the school, maybe it was the dramatic change to a competitive academic environment, maybe I had little maturing thrown in the mix. Whatever it was, I went organization, time management, to-do-list CRAZY.

It started with a detailed academic planner.

Then a detailed wall calandar.

Then a daily, weekly, and monthly to-do-list.

Then I colored coded my planner.

Then I adopted an entire new planner system, where I have almost every second of everyday mapped out.

I went overboard. I tried to schedule and color code things that can't be organized. We don't serve an organized, clean cut, color code system God. We serve an amazingly chaotic God. Who works last minute (in our limited minds).  who shows himself in sunsets, and cups of tea and babies laughs. Mini miracles, that I don't take into account on my to-dol-list.

God looks at my anal, meticulous planner and laughs. God cancels classes, and moves do dates and causes delays that mess with my little schedule and I have the audacity to believe it's not perfectly okay. 

While a level of maturity and organization is required as a college student, my prayer is that I can take it in strides. That I can stray my my time schedule if God is begging for time with me. Or better yet, I can hand over that (maybe slightly idolized) planner t the beginning of every day and say, 

"God you write my to-do list. I don't know where you're going today--but I'm going there with you." 

My prayer for the irrelevance of beauty.

There have been so many beautifully written articles about self-esteem and body image in young girls. Ones about how to talk to your daughter about her body (don’t.) and How body image starts in the family. Having dealt with an array of eating struggles and insecurities, a struggle that stays with you for long after the ‘thick of it’ has passed, this is a subject that is important to me. I decided I would add my 2 cents, take it as you will.

My goal is not for my daughter (which I don’t yet have… pretend with me) to feel beautiful all the time, my goal is for my daughter to be too busy being strong, independent, caring, prayerful and hilarious for the word beauty hold an relevance in her life. I fear that in our attempts to protect our girls fragile self esteem, we may be cushioning them too much with comfortable words and not the truth. 

Don’t tell your girls that they are perfect in every way, (news flash: they aren't) Instead, lead by example. Be imperfect in front of them . Make mistakes—laugh at your mistakes. Say sorry for them. Don’t dwell on them. Give yourself grace in your weak moments in front of your kids. It will teach them to give themselves grace in their weak moments.

The best things we can do to ensure our daughters have a healthy body image—pray for them and love them. We have very little control over what our daughters are exposed to beyond our doors. We must pray without ceasing for their minds and more importantly their hearts. Don’t pray that your daughter sees her true beauty, or never feels fat, or never struggles with eating and weight—Pray that your daughters heart is ignited with love and passion for Christ and the will he has for her. Pray that your daughter enters into her school and her activities with fierceness about her that draws attention to her inward worth, to her king. Pray that your daughter is a prayer warrior and a faithful servant of God. Pray that your daughter falls madly in love with your Jesus, and that he becomes her Jesus. Focus less on your daughter, her body and her body image—and more on the power of your God.

My prayer is for a confident, gentle, loving generation of girls who have made beauty and all of the not-so-beautiful pressure that comes with it irrelevant in their world.

Rashes, vomit, cat puke, dog poop.

And coffee.

lots and lots of coffee.

Lord, help us.

This is my "I've been up since 6 am with vomiting children" look. It's complete with the clothes I slept in, yesterday's make-up, the biggest coffee mug I could find, unbrushed teeth, and a smile. (because honestly, laughing is the only way to look at these situations.)

 

My friend and I are tag team babysitting, around the clock (give or take a night where the grand parents are sweeping in to save the day) until Monday when she heads to school and I head out to yet another nannying job. So far the weekend has been full of pee, poop, vomit, mac & cheese, and nerf gun battles. We're babysitting three boys, so the typical agenda, I guess.

 

I always leave these type of jobs with 2 things

1) A crap ton of funny stories

2) An overwhemling desire to call my mother and apologize for my entire childhood

 

Okay I'm kidding about that second one, kind of. Stay tuned if you want more tales from the poop, pee, and vomit diaries.

A good cup of coffee. A healthy snack. A Finished to do list.

Deep breaths.

Now onto.

A crazy whirlwind weekend of exams, studying, working and babysitting.

What I've been getting into lately;

Pap-pap's surprise 80th.

 

"I wuv you, emmawee."

Laughing.

Snuggies and snuggles.

 

Homecoming.

Panera and surprise friends.

 

Braving Sandy.

 

Love.

 

 

 

Life has been so very crazy lately.

Class. Coffee. Exam. Babysitting. Coffee. Class. Friends. Class. Babysitting. Sleep. Repeat.

Literally.

I've been home for fall break and have had lots of things to blog about.

All coming soon!