E for Emily

Oh that God, there he goes again sending me into the next unexpected, unplanned or over-the-top adventure . Not even a year ago I began praying that God would 'lead me where my trust is without borders' and he led me onto a plane headed for Honduras, I waved to my comfort zone as we taxied down the runway.

Almost 4 months after the trip I reflect on my pre-trip concerns with an ear to ear grin. I spoke with disgust of travelers diarrhea and expressed fears about the language barrier. As I prepared to step outside my comfort zone I was undeniably terrified. The trip crept up and my fears got stronger. I was toeing the line of my little comfort box. All of the sudden the trip was the next box on the calendar and here I was boarding a plane to a foreign country. Little did I know I was about to leap out of that box, straight into the gracious arms of God.

I had diarrhea the whole time and the first 48 hours I tried to combat the language barrier by yelling everything I wanted to say. It was awful and hot and I questioned why in the world I signed up. The main leader got sick and it was all me that first day. I spent most of the day attempting to hide my frustration and the tears welling up in my eyes. The second day I lived on the toilet and did not want to eat a thing. I got bit by a tic and broke out in hives. There were good parts in those first few days but my attitude was quickly going South.

I prayed for a good attitude, hard stools and a break. Then God stepped in, he opened my eyes and showed me what I was missing. I stood hand in hand with the children and felt the pain that saturated the stories of their lives. I sang praises to God, a mixture of both languages raising up higher than the musty church building. I can still feel the arms of toddlers wrapped around my neck communicating more with our eyes than we ever will be able to with our words. Somewhere between the soccer games and Spanish songs, my life changed forever. It could have been the sight of 27 young hands raising up in proclamation to follow Jesus. It could have been the children chasing our bus as we drove away. It could have been the pain in their eyes or their refreshing thankfulness and graciousness that I have never seen in myself and I have so much more than them.

Regardless of what changed me, I was a radically different person getting off that plane than I was getting on, I came face to face with poverty and desperation I had never known; my hands were stained with the dirt of their country and I never want to wash them clean.Before I packed my bags to come home, I had my heart set on going back. Or more so I had my mind set on going back to get my heart because as we boarded the plane to return home, I ripped out my heart and sent it bouncing around in the dirt of the school yard.

Today, I got confirmation that I would be returning and I would be leading the returning youth team. My heart is full of anticipation and excitement. If a year ago today you were to tell me I would be willingly planning my second trip to Honduras, I would laugh at you. I had other plans. That is just it though- God heard my prayers and led me deeper than I ever would've gone. He led me off my path and right out of my little comfort box to a place where my trust had no borders. Praise him, for without that, I would have missed out on the best week of my life.