Wednesday, April 22, 2015

The 6 things you absolutely must do before you even think about studying for finals, writing papers or turning in projects.

It's that time of the year again.that time. That point where dropping out and becoming a stripper suddenly isn't the worst idea in the world. The best math you have ever done is right now, calculating the lowest possible grade you can get and still meet your personal minimum grade requirement. You actively avoid your calendar and eye contact with your professors so they do not sense the brewing mental breakdown. I know you're dreading the studying and writing and researching that will consume these next few weeks. Well, before you strap in and get to work there are 6 things you absolutely have to do before you start.

//Make a to-do list// 
Then rewrite the to do list. And then do it in a pretty color. Maybe you should color code it by class. Or by least favorite assignment to most favorite? Or hardest to easiest? Or maybe in alphabetical order? Taking a foreign language? Try writing it in that language. Maybe you should make copies just in case. And copy the important tasks onto post its and post them around. Oh while you're doing post its, you should write motivational things on the post its and put those around too. Oh while you're making a to do list for schoolwork you should make a list for nonacademic tasks that need done like laundry and groceries. You know what, just go ahead and do your laundry, you shouldn't procrastinate that too long or your dorm will smell. Also, just go ahead to the grocery store. You need proper nutrients before you can study. Okay, now make sure your list is finalized and you didn't miss anything. Whew. That was a lot of work, you deserve a break. Watch a show on netflix. or 15. You deserve it.
//Make a snack//
I mean, since you went grocery shopping already you might as well make a snack. You cannot study on an empty stomach, that would be the worst. But you do not want just any snack. Nothing processed or microwaved. Guess that means you need to cook. If you're going to cook you might as well go all out. Look on Pinterest for the perfect recipe. Go ahead and pin a bunch. If you start planning your wedding, that's fine. You're probably going to meet the man of your dreams before graduation anyway- so why do you need to study? Okay, once you find the perfect recipe and realize you don't have any of the ingredients or the culinary ability to master it, grab yourself a poptart and give up.

//Reorganize your room//
Girl, you absolutely cannot study for psychology if your sock drawer is not in proper order. How can you expect to work under those conditions?! Organize your sock drawer, fold your underwear. It's also almost spring so make sure all of your winter clothes are out of your closet and folded away. Is your bookshelf in alphabetical order? Then you must attend to that too. Go organize your spice cabinet. Don't have spices? Go get some! Then you can make the recipe you didn't have the ingredients for in number 2!

//Take instagram pics of your study space//
What is the point of studying if no one is going to know about it? Set up your notes, textbooks and the miscellaneous office supplies you aren't even using in an artsy, well lit manner. Bonus points if you have coffee. Bonus, bonus points if the mug has an inspirational or snarky message. Bonus points x3 if it's starbucks. Allow at least 20 minutes to find the perfect angle, lighting and arrangement of materials. Spend 15 minutes picking a filter and at least 10 more deciding on a caption/hashtags. 

//Make sure all of social media knows you're studying//
Again, WHAT is the point of studying if nobody knows about it? Update your facebook talking about all of the things you have to do, but aren't doing. Carefully craft these messages so they are not overly dramatic, unless you want to take the dramatic route. In which case make sure it's loaded with hyperbole's and exaggerated language so others can sense the sarcasm. Try to find a funny meme or picture to share your struggle. If you're having trouble finding inspiration, try looking in your time hop at last years finals week complaints. You could also try live tweeting your death by studying. Make sure all of Twitter knows about the kid asleep on the floor of the library and the girls that won't stop talking. 

//Maybe you should actually study now// 
Honestly even I am running out of unimportant urgent, must do tasks to divert your attention from the inevitable, impossible, infinite to do list. You should probably get off of the internet and just start typing stuff and writing things on note cards. Maybe just look like you're actually doing something? I hear the 'fake it till you make it' thing actually kind of is well, a thing. So I don't know, I'm in the same sinking boat as you but I guess we should actually like, do something. 

{warning} These are the worst possible study tips, time management guide and general life advice you could ever receive. E for Emily takes no legal, moral or ethical responsibility for your poor academic achievement as a result of following the above advice. 


  1. This post was great comedic relief from the actual mental breakdown taking place right now.

  2. Love this post! Haha, perfect break from "studying" for finals!